Hi. I'm Mike. Inventor, founder and valued team member of the band My Father's Good Name. I am about to write a blog. Here are a few facts:
-It may or may not contain interesting information.
-There will be a degree of ranting & raving.
-There will NOT be a test at the end.
-You will not win a prize.
-There WILL be a "handy household hint" or "safety tip" at the end.
-You will have learned something. (not a guarantee)
I was watching TV last night, from the hours of 3 til 5 am with my friends Abi and Katy (friends/manager/tea girl - and mediocre tea at that) and it struck me that there are a lot of music videos about that feature grown men jumping over things. Apparently, this new fangled form of jumping is very popular. It's amazing. It's the "in thing". Now i don't know about you, but is this necessarily something to be impressed by?! I can jump over stuff. BUT... I can also discern what NOT to jump over. That's the clever part. That's what separates me from the animals (the jumping ones). Maybe these people who jump over a lot of things haven't quite got to this stage in human development. Or maybe they have Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder and putting one foot in front of the other bores them. Either way it's sad. I wonder if there's a charity I could give £2 a month to that'd help 'em out?
There is something mildly horrific about watching mind numbing music videos in the early hours. But you certainly learn a lot. And it is blog fuel my friends! I was watching a certain video with three girls dressed in yellow, singing about messing some guy around and then realising how they really feel about the poor sucker. Shaking ones moneymaker is not grounds for reconciliation in my book. But I digress. So about 30 seconds in, my eyes were bombarded with what I can only describe as a giant grey ass. Naturally, I paused the TV (with the aid of technology), grabbed my pointing stick and moved in for a closer look. And to my horror, I realised that the aforementioned posterior had been technologically enhanced! Without doubt! If you ever see it, please pause your television set and fashion your own pointing stick. Anyway, I came to this conclusion by process of elimination. I asked some pretty searching questions beforehand: Was she wearing some sort of body suit for comical effect? Was she smuggling illegal immigrants in that thing? Did she have a tragic, "won't be long before it's in a documentary" type disease? But alas, i just had to accept that in such a fickle age, her ass had been photoshopped. What an exciting time we live in. I wish someone could photoshop my ass. I'd get them to put eyes and raised eyebrows on it. Or if I were famous, I'd secure some sort of sponsorship deal for each cheek. But that might be bordering on corporate sodomy.
Still, it was an entertaining enough video. Essentially two people were walking across town trying to find each other. He jumps over a few things that get in his way. Vans, stairwells and the like; she uses more traditional means of getting about, like pavements. She sees him. He can't see her. He texts her "where r u?". "Close" she replies. The search continues......
Now, if it was me, I'd text back and say "Why don't you just tell me where you are? Why are you being so difficult and dramatic? Come to think of it, isn't that why we broke up in the first place? And why the hell didn't we just call each other and arrange a time and place to meet?! I've been walking around for ages. I could've got some stuff done today and then got a taxi later on. I've literally wasted a day. Tell you what, we'll leave it, shall we? Maybe you shouldn't have been such a bitch when we were together..."
And the moral of the story kids, is don't stay up late and watch music videos. Read a book. You'll sleep like a baby.
Mike.
xxx
Mike's Handy Safety Tip #164:
If mother says "don't touch the iron, it's hot" - the iron is in fact hot and not to be touched. Mother is not a liar and your impending burns will remind you of this.
-It may or may not contain interesting information.
-There will be a degree of ranting & raving.
-There will NOT be a test at the end.
-You will not win a prize.
-There WILL be a "handy household hint" or "safety tip" at the end.
-You will have learned something. (not a guarantee)
I was watching TV last night, from the hours of 3 til 5 am with my friends Abi and Katy (friends/manager/tea girl - and mediocre tea at that) and it struck me that there are a lot of music videos about that feature grown men jumping over things. Apparently, this new fangled form of jumping is very popular. It's amazing. It's the "in thing". Now i don't know about you, but is this necessarily something to be impressed by?! I can jump over stuff. BUT... I can also discern what NOT to jump over. That's the clever part. That's what separates me from the animals (the jumping ones). Maybe these people who jump over a lot of things haven't quite got to this stage in human development. Or maybe they have Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder and putting one foot in front of the other bores them. Either way it's sad. I wonder if there's a charity I could give £2 a month to that'd help 'em out?
There is something mildly horrific about watching mind numbing music videos in the early hours. But you certainly learn a lot. And it is blog fuel my friends! I was watching a certain video with three girls dressed in yellow, singing about messing some guy around and then realising how they really feel about the poor sucker. Shaking ones moneymaker is not grounds for reconciliation in my book. But I digress. So about 30 seconds in, my eyes were bombarded with what I can only describe as a giant grey ass. Naturally, I paused the TV (with the aid of technology), grabbed my pointing stick and moved in for a closer look. And to my horror, I realised that the aforementioned posterior had been technologically enhanced! Without doubt! If you ever see it, please pause your television set and fashion your own pointing stick. Anyway, I came to this conclusion by process of elimination. I asked some pretty searching questions beforehand: Was she wearing some sort of body suit for comical effect? Was she smuggling illegal immigrants in that thing? Did she have a tragic, "won't be long before it's in a documentary" type disease? But alas, i just had to accept that in such a fickle age, her ass had been photoshopped. What an exciting time we live in. I wish someone could photoshop my ass. I'd get them to put eyes and raised eyebrows on it. Or if I were famous, I'd secure some sort of sponsorship deal for each cheek. But that might be bordering on corporate sodomy.
Still, it was an entertaining enough video. Essentially two people were walking across town trying to find each other. He jumps over a few things that get in his way. Vans, stairwells and the like; she uses more traditional means of getting about, like pavements. She sees him. He can't see her. He texts her "where r u?". "Close" she replies. The search continues......
Now, if it was me, I'd text back and say "Why don't you just tell me where you are? Why are you being so difficult and dramatic? Come to think of it, isn't that why we broke up in the first place? And why the hell didn't we just call each other and arrange a time and place to meet?! I've been walking around for ages. I could've got some stuff done today and then got a taxi later on. I've literally wasted a day. Tell you what, we'll leave it, shall we? Maybe you shouldn't have been such a bitch when we were together..."
And the moral of the story kids, is don't stay up late and watch music videos. Read a book. You'll sleep like a baby.
Mike.
xxx
Mike's Handy Safety Tip #164:
If mother says "don't touch the iron, it's hot" - the iron is in fact hot and not to be touched. Mother is not a liar and your impending burns will remind you of this.
7 comments:
why, thank you. :)
yeah, watching music videos on youtube in the middle of the night is like a fun hobby for me...but it does get a bit draining.
As soon as I read the phrase "men jumping over things" I immediately thought of the exact video you were refering to! Haha, she does have an outrageously huge ass in comparison to her waist... I thank you for pausing your tv (mine lacks that specific function), examining it up close and drawing such a conclusion so I wont have to have the thought of the possibilities of gaining such an ass!
I'll gladly send you a muffin or preferably give you the skills in person
;)
You just left a comment on my blog and I wanted to reply but I'll be damned if this place doesn't do a 'reply to comment' feature so here I am. Forgive me if I'm missing something obvious here - I'm new to Blogger.
Anyway, got to your myspace via a whole array of links and I was just wondering where you were based out of? Your myspace doesn't say. How are people (like me) supposed to come to gigs if you don't let them know what city you're based out of? ;)
Let me know!
x
Haha! Me, good writere?! I've always tried it but the english teachers are always saying "Fix this! Fix that! You never stay on topic!!" So what if I might have ADD... what was i talking about again?
--jk ;]
I like how you made this over something that people all probably do or have done. I know I have! WHAT IS OUR WORLD COMING TO, EH? Photoshopped butts, jumping alot, and not to mention the NON-REALITY in the songs. I go for reality. Not hott girls shaking thier butts acting sluttty??!!
I'm wanting to check out your music. Where will I be able to do that? Maybe I should look on your blogger site first.. that probably would have been the smarter choice. :/
Have a great Thanksgiving......... if you live in the States!! which..... i don't think so, so Happy Days?
if i could get someone to photoshop any part of me, i'd want breast so ridicuously large that no one would ever look me in the face again. i'm talking DDDD
clever boy...
you bet
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